video thumbnailMy autistic son just got kicked out of school. Again. Wherever he goes, I always warn them that he has serious behavioural challenges, but they never believe me until they have dealt with him themselves. And then they usually give up pretty quickly.

If there is one thing I have learned about my son, it is that what needs more than anything is a trusting relationship with the adults around him. A lot of problematic behaviours in autistic children are driven by anxiety. Having a buddy relationship with someone takes the edge off. The schools always take the approach that my son needs stern discipline, but what he needs first is a relationship. If they would take the time to invest in that instead of making compliance their priority, things would go a lot better. The way the schools have handled him has always led to problems escalating, until they end up putting him in restraints. All this accomplishes is that he decides he hates school and everyone who works there. He loses all motivation for school.  Their approach backfires: his behaviour only worsens.

My son is a child who requires extreme patience on the part of the adults around him, but it’s worth it to exercise that patience or you end up with an unmanageable situation.

Second, it would serve the schools well to accept his autism and to stop perceiving him as a wilful, disobedient child. The sooner you get it through your head that he is autistic, the better. Let go of your stereotypes and preconceptions. Autism comes in many forms.

Third, don’t assume that severe behavioural problems are the domain of children who have ‘lower functioning’ autism with more verbal impairment or who have co-existing intellectual disability. And don’t assume that because someone is outgoing or has a sense of humour that they aren’t really ‘that autistic’ or that their problematic behaviours are something they can turn on or off at will. Just don’t assume anything.


  1. Sounds like only a homeschool environment is going to fill the need for a relationship. A one on one. School is even brutal on a “normal” child from my experience growing up.

    • I can’t be the only person in his life. That wouldn’t be good for either of us. And it’s not necessary.When people who are dealing with him stop responding to his behaviour like he’s a brat, he mellows out. He will still have his autism-related behaviours but he won’t be aggressive. I learned that a long time ago, but it’s hard to get other people to understand it.

  2. aim praing vore jo in the nederland the Do not get sweets anymore no sweets a lot of fruit because my grandchild was very busy now he gets calmer and sitting at a primary school he mentally takes it up but i hope i could help you it’s a big concern i pray for you that you have a lot Get power from the Lord love and huggs

  3. I identify with your tears. It reminds me of the day I fully realized the seriousness of what my son was dealing with. I think he was about 6 or 7 and I was in a special meeting where they were showing us films and explaining my son’s disorders. He wasn’t autistic, but he was seriously behavior disordered and had multiple neurological disorders (ODD,ADHD, Dyslexia,OCD,Anxiety Disorder). I could barely hold back the tears during the meeting and cried so hard after the meeting. I was in the principal’s office it seemed like every week to listen to them complain about his behavior. He was held back a couple of grades and finally got kicked out of school in 4th grade when he was 11. They wanted to put him in an alternative classroom with other kids like him. I substitute taught in that classroom and basically it was a class full of juvenile delinquents that fed off of each other and terrorized the teachers, and the other students were involved in drugs and lead the new ones into that. So I finally gave up and home schooled him. He is 26 years old now and just beginning to function more like an 18 year old. He doesn’t have a drivers license or a high school diploma yet. He is working on that. He has a job and just moved into an apartment with a friend. The first time he is on his own. I have to say it was hard, it’s the hardest thing ever to raise a child like this. I cried many tears, on many days. I still worry about him every day, but he is a great son and worth it.

  4. What you said about him needing a relationship and then they might get more cooperation from him. I remember saying the same thing about my son. I came to realize that in the schools with so many other students they just don’t have time for that and they are never going to give him that. I also realized for my son to learn he needed one on one instruction and attention. The school systems just don’t have the resources to give every child with special needs one on one time and relationship. By homeschooling him, I was able to give him that. There are other ways you might be able to get him involved in group activities with other children. I hope the new classroom they are going to put him in works out, but if it doesn’t you may have to do it yourself.

  5. I saw your video last week about Arron’s history. I am a spirit filled Christian from Victoria BC and can tell you that it is the Lord’s desire to heal and help your family. I’ve listened to you and Arron speak about the Lord and churches, and I perceive strongly your understanding, discernment, sincerity, and love and trust for the Lord. Arron will walk again, and I have a testimony of a boy being healed of autism in Tasmania. Please reply to me Sonia, all the miracles of the New Testament are available today, and the Lord loves you very much, he didn’t give his Son in vain.

  6. I found this by a Google search of “My Autistic son was kicked out of school”. I have a 10 year old in his 3rd school in 6 months. I knew I couldn’t have been the only one! He has since started in an ASD unit at a Public school. They have 12 kids in his 5th grade class with 2 assistants for the teacher. He has only been there 4 days and they are seeing what I warned them about. I am scared he is going to be kicked out again. Seeing your video has made me feel less alone. Thank you so much for posting! How is your son doing in his new school?

  7. My 17 year old son just got kicked out of school…again. I am quite ready to say “screw it I’m homeschooling him.” I’ve gotten to the point that I don’t really see what the benefit to going to school is. He has no friends – never has. He’s never invited to anything and am sick of looking at pictures on FB of all the events he’s missed. I have been homeschooling him for years anyway starting every day at 3:05 when he gets out of school and working with him into the late hours of the night. I’m simply too tired to fight the system anymore. So once again we are in limbo waiting for his life to begin.

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